Prologue: Travel vaccination centre, Sydney

Doctor: I’ll give you all the necessary travel vaccinations for 500 AUD.

Me: I can’t afford that! Isn’t there anything I can skip?

Doctor: Will you be kissing Asian men?

Me: How much does it cost me if I do?

Doctor: 100 AUD.

Me: No Asian boys will be kissed!

The doctor makes me memorise all the most important rules of hygiene and health. Before I get to leave, I repeat after him:

- I will only eat fruits that I have peeled myself.

- I will brush my teeth with bottled water only.

- I will not kiss Asian boys.

- I will not have any ice with any drinks, because the ice might be made of dirty water.

- I will only eat cooked food.

I crawl home dragging my numb arm along, which is already turning blue. The air is full of floating pink and blue dots and the anti-cholera liquid has numbed my tongue.

Andrew C thinks my 100AUD saving plot was rubbish: “If you kissed 100 boys during your trip, one kiss would only have cost you a dollar.”